It’s not my first rodeo when it comes to experiencing self-sabotaging behaviours.
✓ Imposter Syndrome
✓ Letting pretty much anything get in the way of me achieving my goals
I think we’ve all been there before… Feeling like we’re vigorously digging ourselves deeper into a hole. We can blame it on the world, but at the end of the day you’re the one you have to face. You and you alone.
Sounds dismal, doesn’t it?
Never fear, I’m here showing up as your fairy godmother (of sorts) with a bunch of helpful tips and tricks to pull yourself out of the often self sabotaging story that you’re telling yourself and catapulting you into taking inspired action that I promise is going to get you the results you’ve only dreamt of.
For years I was overrun with self limiting beliefs, quite often blaming my woes and misfortune on external forces. Perhaps you too are experiencing something alike.
Do you find that the red light always seems to go red for you?
Do you feel like you believe that it’s up to everyone else to make you feel at ease and happy? Do you blame your partner for your frustrations?
Is your boss or client a nightmare to work with?
Here’s a question for you… Have you ever stopped and wondered if you were the issue?
Across history you can see for yourself examples of people that could have easily blamed external parties for their misfortune. You could completely understand if they were to give up, throw in the towel and live a life of misery.
Steve Jobs –
Phil Knight –
As the above outlines, these people were both their problem and their solution. Something I firmly believe in and try to practice as much myself as these people have.
More than anything, these people have shown us that it’s possible.
In order to get out of our own way, I believe we must bear witness to ourselves and become self aware. I do this in a number of ways and I believe that it/I will always be a work in progress. Without getting too deep, the way we are as a human is shaped when we’re a child. We have a lifetime of parental and social conditioning to unravel and understand.
We can begin on this journey in a number of ways but I believe that developing self-awareness is going to be your number one resource to draw on in order to break free of your own shackles.
- Self-Awareness provides us with the conscious knowledge of our own character and feelings. It may sound simple but this is going to change the way you interact with both yourself and the world that surrounds you. It will allow you to reflect before you react. This is powerful, especially if you’re used to having knee jerk reactions to situations that challenge, upset you and feel out of your control.
Below are some of the ways that I have gone about developing my self awareness.
- Do/don’t like worksheet
- 16personalities test
- Asking my peers
- Vision and Goals (based on the above, map out your vision and goals, vision board, daily check ins, affirmations, gratitude, meditation
Once you begin to work through the above practices and get to know yourself a little better, you’ll have a clearer vision and be able to articulate and outline goals that actually matter to you – not what you feel you have to accomplish.
I love to map out my vision and goals, I find it therapeutic first of all (it feeds my inner perfectionist) and second, when your vision and goals are top of mind – you’re more likely to take consistent action to achieve them.
I do this by…
- Writing out my dream day and/or life and reading it over at the start of each day or week
- Creating a vision board and updating it quarterly if I feel the need
- Having a great morning routine where I check in with myself and how I’m tracking with my goals
- Practicing gratitude daily – this doesn’t have to be fancy, for years I’d write 3 things I’m grateful for and 3 things to focus on in a notebook
- Affirmations – to keep me on track and inspired, I use my Kind Cards on the daily
- Meditation – there are so many different ways you can go about meditation. My go to is exercise first and second to that I do a quick 5 minute yoga nidra meditation at the start of each day
- Taking Action, Consistently (breaking down your goals, main to do list, mini to do list, releasing expectations of yourself, perfectionism)
When it comes to taking consistent action sans the self sabotage, I’m going to give you a hot tip from my therapist – LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOURSELF. Feels weird, right? I was so averse to this when she suggested it but I started to consciously forgive myself for not doing ALL of the things PERFECTLY. And you know what? I got more done. Perfectionism and being your own worst critic can be debilitating but there is pure magic and even joy in showing up imperfectly.
For those of you looking for a practical tip, I recommend brain dumping what you need to do in order to achieve your goals, be sure to include each action item. Then pull that list apart into manageable pieces. I split mine into quarters, months, weeks and then at the end of each day in preparation for the next I choose 2-3 things that I know I can check off. This was SO hard for me to begin with but the satisfaction you get from achieving what you set out to each day will give you the momentum to keep showing up for yourself. You’ll also begin to find that you will be more kind to yourself as you’re not berating yourself every few hours.
Whether you’re a recovering perfectionist or you’ve been too scared to start, the above will have you well on your way to getting out of your head and putting an end to the story that’s been holding you back.
More than anything, you deserve to show up for yourself in the best way possible. Invest in yourself, even if it’s not a financial investment to start – bear witness to yourself, surrender a little and know that progress over perfection is better than none at all.
I can tell you first hand that I’m playing the long game and not trying to sprint through ‘the work’ and it’s paying off, big time.
To help you on your way, I’ve put together a few free resources for you to work on if you feel called to do so. You can find a bunch of journal prompts, the do/don’t love worksheet that I harp on about and other bits and pieces to get you out of your head and into your heart.
If you think the above could help someone in your life, please share the love and send it their way!
For further information and support, please join us over in the Burn and Bloom Facebook Community. I have many great things planned for you there and I’d love for you to share any comments, feedback and questions that you may have.